Breaking Dawn In Iqaluit

I have not read the book or seen any one of the movies. For some reason, I have a naturally acquired immunity to the Twilight Fever. I am not Team Anything or Somebody. Neither am I a hater. It's not that I am a Twilight snob it's just that I never gave myself the chance to form either a positive or negative reaction to it. But anyway, let it be known, the first movie I got to watch here in Iqaluit is Breaking Dawn. I am not about to discuss the merits (or demerits?) of the film because as a Twilight Ignoramus I don't think I would be a credible enough critic. This is all about the very interesting experience of movie watching a la Iqaluit.

Why I watched (a defensive non Twilight fan's argument)

When a couple of co workers decided to watch the movie and asked if I want to join them, it was hard not to tag along for (I believe) valid reasons: it's my day off and the highlight of my day was doing the laundry so I might as well season it a little bit with something a little more exciting than folding and sorting clothes, the movie theater is located at the ground floor of my apartment so all I really need to do to watch a movie is go downstairs, it is Thursday - so that means cheap night at the movies and the best advice I got before coming up north is to bring an open mind - so that would encompass all experiences including initiation to a pop culture franchise of phenomenal proportion even though, with all apologies, I'm one of the sorry few who don't really know what it's all about..and dive into it at the end part at that (sort of like watching Deathly Hallows without having a clue who Harry Potter is). And I heard the popcorn's good, so technically, that alone is reason enough for me to leave my laundry and watch the movie.

Popcorn and concession stuff

I have been told that prices up here are much, much more expensive than down south so I sort of braced myself for that and have, so far, successfully developed a psychological buffer that minimized the shock factor whenever I pay for groceries, fastfood, etc.. but I am pleased to report that the price of popcorn and other items at the concession stand is actually surprisingly cheap! Anyway, I got a large popcorn and sprinkled it with a generous amount of cheddar powder. To create a sort of balance, I also ordered one large Diet Coke and a pack of Dark M&Ms. And yes, the popcorn was good! 

Audience Profile and other interesting theater goings on

My co workers and I agree that the movie theater here (the only one in Iqaluit) reminds us of the movie theaters of the past. It's small with only two theaters. The lobby's equally small so it was pretty much jam packed with movie watchers waiting for the matinee screening (7PM) to end. And tonight being cheap night with Breaking Dawn as feature film, the place was more crowded than usual. It was a nice blend of Inuit and non Inuit crowd. When the usher announced that those watching Breaking Dawn can come in, my co workers and I went in and sat at the middle row. As soon as the title came up on screen there was a spontaneous chorus of OMGs from the female teens in the audience. Few seconds into the film when Taylor "Jacob" Lautner appeared there was again a spontaneous chorus of wolf whistles, hoots and sighs. Not quite the same reaction noted on Robert "Edward" Pattinson's entrance. I just figured maybe because we are in Canada, in Nunavut at that, there must be more "Team Jacob" delegates in attendance. It almost felt like watching a movie in the Philippines were the audience would make loud side comments during the entire duration of the film. An interesting thing, while the movie was in progress, this old usher guy was going around the theater announcing repeatedly "turn off your cell phones please or else it will be taken away from you". And maybe after the fifth repetition of the "turn off your cellphone" announcement, he just stepped out. One of my coworkers said that it is also common to see dogs running around the theater while the movie's going on. In the Philippines I have seen stray cats and rats inside movie houses but dogs? That I have to see! Well true enough, during that intense scene where Jacob tries to convince the very pregnant and emaciated Bella to give up the baby, the hushed silence inside the theater was disturbed by a very distinctive yapping of a puppy. Later we found out there were actually three dogs in attendance that night! I guess by virtue of their category in the animal kingdom, they must be delegates of Team Jacob as well. 

The movie

I lied. I am actually going to talk about the movie. I did say that I am least qualified to discuss the film but I think it's fair enough to say that I really enjoyed myself. The movie was visually stunning and I am not referring to just Taylor Lautner's physique in particular (guess which team I would be prone to join if given the chance), very good editing and cinematography, very glossy for a film that deals with the dark side and undead, I am thinking about downloading the soundtrack (love it!)but I have to check on my internet usage for the month before I do that (the internet plans here have limited usage per month so I have to be on a strict downloading/uploading/streaming diet), the film was able to effectively build a steady momentum leading to the climax that at some point left me involuntarily holding my breath even if I have no idea what this saga is all about. My co worker was a little bit concerned at first when she asked me if I've read the book or watch the first how many films and I answered no to both and she thought I might not enjoy it because I don't have even the basic background of the film. Of course I know there's this girl, there's this vampire, there's this werewolf and that's it. But I trust Hollywood movie psychology - they aim to entertain and not really to make you think too much. While the actors seem to be more concerned with aesthetics and good camera angles and not necessarily interested in Oscar winning performances, for entertainment value, this film actually delivers - I enjoyed myself and would even watch it even if it was not cheap movie night (oh the wonders that an open mind can do!). I got quite focused on the film I even forgot about my dark M&Ms. Some random takes on the film: I was quite amused with the running exchange of rhetorics between Edward's sisters (?) : "the fetus is not good for Bella" "It's a baby.. it's just a baby". Made me wonder if Stephanie Meyer was making a pro life statement of some sort. Loved the wedding gown, they should have included it in the cast of characters. That song they played during the exchange of vows made my popcorn taste a lot saltier..or was it because there were tears in my eyes? I should download the soundtrack. Some things I wouldn't think of in the same way again - blood transfusion, botched c sections, the importance of calcium in your diet in case you get pregnant with an immortisomething (maybe Breaking Bone would be an apt alternative title), 2 person cpr c/o a werewolf and a vampire. And no matter how comfy, it's not a good idea to use a down feather bed on your honeymoon. I'm such a sucker (no twilight pun intended) for any form of hype so after watching this second to the last installment of the Twilight saga, I'm actually looking forward to the final chapter. Who knows, I might even read the books (I can hear one or two friends moaning a slo mo nooooo!!!). 

I therefore conclude

I like the movie theater downstairs. And even if I don't, I really don't have a choice because it is the only theater in Iqaluit. I would definitely watch a movie there again. On a regular basis, I predict. It's conveniently located (no kidding) and they have good popcorn. Like their non pretentious but satisfying fast food, restaurants etc..there's none of the niceties and theater etiquette you might expect somewhere else but I mean that in a good way because it also defines the small town feel and laid back attitude of the people here so I don't really mind watching a movie with dogs around. I love watching movies. When I was still in the Philippines I would watch one or two movies a week. That changed when I arrived in Calgary because I got caught up with other things like getting a life and make a living but I have always wished I can get to watch more movies again. I guess I can do that again here! Nice! 

Food For Thought

It's a little bit of a challenge sometimes when you are a lazy cook but an enthusiastic eater. And that's one of my biggest problems here (er..for lack of anything major to worry about). Going on week two in Iqaluit and still unapologetic over the fact that my culinary exercise has not extended beyond the complexities of instant soups and tossing coin over sunny side up or hard boiled eggs. You might think that my gushing over the finer points of Iqaluit food is just a thinly disguised excuse for not attempting to cook a decent meal with more than one ingredient. Well, that's just too bad..for here I go gushing again.

For lunch today I decided to go downstairs to buy something for take out at Caribrew. The grilled roast beef sandwich looked good so that's what I had. And it did taste good! The baguette was delicious, there was generous amount of roast beef that was not even thinly sliced and I loved how the monterey jack blended with the tomato. I don't know if it's because I have chosen to simplify a lot of things in my life here or that I am stripped away of a lot of unnecessary dramas that I am noticing and appreciating things more or that even with a fulltime schedule I still find myself a lot of extra time to slow down and yes chew carefully or all of the above but I am finding myself easier to please these days - with the taste of food, how my day went, etc. I noticed that it has become a part of end of shift report that we ask the incoming staff, how is it outside - and when they say "it's very nice outside today" it can mean light snow, no blizzard, mild winds, temperature not lower than -12C, dark-as-usual-but-what-can-you-do..things that would be categorized as a miserable winter day anywhere else. I guess when you are up north you learn to recalibrate your appreciation meter somewhat. So going back to the roast beef sandwich, so yes..that was one of the best roast beef sandwich lunch I've ever had! And once again I tried to extract some form of metaphor when I accidentally poured more than just a tiny drop of very hot cayenne pepper sauce on my roast beef (see picture) . . and still ended up enjoying the meal. Somewhere along the line of - how an accident that would otherwise cause you to sting and burn makes you happier instead.

A funny thing yesterday, I was at the cafeteria to buy my lunch and thought that their sandwich special (shaved prime rib on croissant served with soup of the day - turkey noodle soup) sounded good (it was good, of course) and decided to get some. Then the cashier slash cook said to me, "what? you're not going to order poutine today?" I don't know if that's the downside of working in a small hospital where everybody knows everybody else and they can actually remember that I have been ordering poutine on a regular basis since I got here or my secret reputation as food fanatic is slowly coming out in the open. Anyway, I never thought I'd ever say this but I love hospital cafeteria food!

Working night shift tonight and looking forward to the night shift staff's free meal :)

A Lesson in Faith

I'm working this Sunday so I thought I'd attend anticipated mass this Saturday. I've made an ocular visit yesterday of where I thought the only Catholic Church here in Iqaluit was. I've googled on the church's website to check the mass schedule so I knew it was supposed to be at 5:30 but the Filipina who works downstairs told me that it starts at 5:00 so to be on the safe side I told myself I'll be in Church by 5:00. I thought I got that all figured out. I had my well laid out plans for this Saturday. Catch up on emails, chat with family, throw the garbage, go to mass. I was out of the apartment at 4:50, took a taxi because it was pitch dark outside although not necessarily cold at -8C. The lights were off at the church when I got there, the taxi driver even asked me if I'm sure there's going to be a mass, I said it was either 5PM or 5:30 so it must be at 5:30 then. I was ok with having to wait for another half hour anyway it wasn't that cold and the Church was in the middle of downtown so I felt safe. I think another 20 minutes must have passed and there was no indication that somebody would turn on the lights and there were no signs of other parishoners arriving to hear mass. So I was a little bit annoyed about having to stand there in the cold waiting for almost half an hour for nothing. Finally, I decided to just go home. Maybe the mass was cancelled or something (though I didn't see any note at the doors saying so). I took a taxi again because after standing outside the Church for half an hour I was not in the mood for a leisurely walk. I gave my apartment address to the taxi driver and he said he'll be picking up other customers first then he'll take me home (taxis do that here, expect there'll be passengers other than you and you can wave and hail for a taxi wherever you are). I said it was ok and started complaining how I had to wait for half an hour for the mass and turns out there's no mass after all. Taxi driver turned to me and said, "well, you will be rewarded for your good intentions". I wasn't too sure if I heard him right and so I asked him to say it again. And again he said my intentions were good, so even if I didn't get to hear mass I would still be rewarded. I answered with a half hearted, "I guess you're right", sounding as enthusiastic as somebody who just won consolation prize at some contest. And the driver kept reassuring me that my good intentions won't go unnoticed and he told me he is of the Islam faith and he believes this to be true - that whatever you're doing, even if you're getting ready to sleep or something like that if you offer it as a prayer with the purest intentions, it would be lifted up and rewarded as a high form of prayer - or words to that effect. And he reminded me of that old Muslim story, about a man who dreamed all his life to make that pilgrimage to Mecca and after saving his money for so many years he finally was able to afford the trip but on the way he chanced upon a family in need and decided to give his precious savings to them and headed back home because after giving away all he's got, he could no longer afford the said trip. But then his charitable act would be rewarded more than if he was able to make it to Mecca. I guess I felt better afterwards. I mean, to be honest I didn't have the purest intentions for going to mass other than the desire to fulfill an obligation but I didn't feel as bad anymore for having to wait in the cold. And I got a little lesson in faith on board a taxi. Indeed, God speaks in many ways...even through Muslim taxi drivers!

A Little Motivation

Many times, even after eighteen years, I would still question my worth and capabilities as a health care professional... so today I got to read this gentle reminder:

"God does not call the equipped, He equips the Called"

It is good to remember sometimes that we do what we do not because we are the best, the brightest or the greatest. Definitely not because we are the holiest, purest or most perfect. It's just simply because we are "called". I think that is enough motivation for me right now as I go through the process of starting over again, being a newbie, an orientee...unlearning and learning.

I'm getting into the habit of looking outside my bedroom window the first thing I wake up and for a few brief seconds gaze at that cross on top of the hill and remembering that little verse: I lift up my eyes to the hills from where comes my help . . . .

This is the Life

I am lounging in the comfy sofa, embraced by my purple plaid throw, reading a fluffy themed, feel good James Patterson novel on my ipad, I've turned all the lights off except for one night lamp, Johnny Matthis' Misty playing on the background. Yes this is the life!

Some people might think I gave up the convenience of the city, the warmth of the tropics, the comforts of the south in exchange for never ending winters, long nights and this strange land.

But if only for this moment alone - my peace and quiet, my books, my music ... I can say, this is what I need and this is where I would rather be. I will not trade this for anything in the world!

All About Food

A lot of people know that I am passionate about food. And when it comes to being a food critic my credibility among family and friends is dangerously close to zero. Because they think nothing tastes bad for me. The truth is, when I like what I eat I would gush about it, otherwise, I would stay quiet - not even complain. Right now I would like to write about my experience with food here so far in Iqaluit because somehow I've been thinking a lot about it. Again, this is something that doesn't come as a surprise to those who know me well.

First of all, the price of commodity (including food)here is definitely much more expensive than elsewhere in Canada. But I think it's just crazy to rant about that fact day in and day out because like the constant presence of snow, it is something one has to live with. So yes... First thing, I won't complain about the price.

I admit that I have always been a little too adventurous when it comes to food. I know for sure that I lack the DNA for queasy stomach. I am willing to try anything exotic even extreme. Eating exotic northern delicacies, however, is still a part of my wish list here. And this definitely needs an altogether different post. This post is actually about my day to day subsistence.

Hospital Food

I know the word yummy and hospital food can hardly be found together in the same sentence but here in Iqaluit I have found an unexpected exception. First day of orientation I was with another new hire and we had quite a late lunch at the cafeteria. I ordered a small poutine and coffee and she had the same. We were famished from all the information overload so we were eating silently for a few minutes. Then almost at the same time, although, neither one of us wanted to say it at first..we both asked ourselves, "are we just really starving or isn't this one of the best poutine ever"? Followed by, "wow this coffee is not just 'not bad', it's actually quite good!". Now if I try to rewind that scene a bit further, we were at first a little put off when we entered the cafeteria because it looked just a bit sketchy to the point of being scary but since we were hungry, we decided to look past appearances and got ourselves a pleasant surprise. Ok, so granted we were just really really hungry, for our second break that day we decided to go back to the cafeteria for another cup of coffee. Same verdict. It was good-atypical-for-hospital-cafeteria coffee. And during one of my shifts I got a large poutine and same thing- one of the best poutine I've ever tasted. Back in Calgary, I tried one of the haute cuisine poutine at one of the high end restaurants there and I wasn't really that thrilled. And I just said to myself how high end can you really go with a poutine when it's really more of a winter comfort food than cuisine. But I love the cafeteria poutine. The fries are done just right..not greasy, crunchy on the outside warm and soft on the inside..the gravy's perfect, not too salty with enough peppery taste that I like and the curds of cheese are just so good.

One of my co nurses' just crazy about the breakfast sandwich so one time I thought of giving it a try and again I was delightfully surprised about so unhospital cafeteria like the taste was! Then they had this dinner special one time where you get roast beef, mashed potato, veggies and choice of soup or salad ( I had the barley soup). It was arranged square meal/ barracks like so it wasn't aesthetically enticing but again the taste just surprised me! It was really, unexpectedly good! One perk we get when working the night shift is that we are provided with our night shift "lunch". And last night we had this yummy steak sandwich, with chunky and creamy mushroom soup, pasta, cookie, crackers and juice! Not a bad deal for working nights, eh? I was one happy nurse!

Grind and Brew

As I've said I am hanging out in this cafe at the hotel lobby called Grind and Brew. Mostly to avail of the free wifi but as a courtesy to the kind Filipina cashier who lets me stay here for as long as I want, I also buy myself something to eat and drink. Which is really not a supreme form of sacrifice for me because they serve good food and great local coffee. I first tried their veggie wrap and it was one of the best wraps I've ever had...overloaded with cheese, mushroom, eggs and pepper. Right now I am finishing my Thai noodle salad which is another delightful discovery for me. Yesterday, the cashier recommended their personal size pizza so I got one for take out. I thought I'd save some for dinner but I finished everything at lunch time!

Storehouse Bar and Grill

Right now as I am finishing this post, I am looking at the line up at storehouse bar and grill..the cafe where I am at is just outside the grill. It's Wednesday and it is wing night here at the grill... Where a ten piece chicken wings cost $5. Last night I asked one of the nurses, is wing nights so popular because the wings are cheap or because they taste good? She said, "both". Well, that's good enough for me. When I am done with this I will join the queue and get myself some wings for dinner.


I am planning to try the Northern Sunday brunch they have here at the inn when I get to have a Sunday off, I heard it's a must try too.. I am adding a lot of things in my gustatory wish list right now because so far I have not been disappointed.

Now for those wings....

Life Simplified

It's been a week. It also feels like forever. This place scares me. Not because of the harsh winter. Not because I am on my own. And definitely not because it is unlike any other place I have ever been. What scares me is that this place has this strange effect on me.. A certain pull. I feel like I might be staying longer than I first thought I would.

At the expense of being criticized for "overkill", I will confess that I was crying on the way home from work the other night. There I was a tiny speck in the universe walking along snowy hills surrounded by a vast tundra..open skies..wilderness of snow. The thought of being a part of that scene..or moment..moves me beyond anything and when I am in between being at a loss for words and overflowing with emotion I can't do anything but cry.

I love my work. Because I honor the privacy and confidentiality that surrounds my workplace I wish not to say anything more beyond that but know this for sure - when I say I love my work, these words weigh more beyond whatever form of material compensation. I just feel blessed that I have been given this opportunity to make a difference. That I get to go home at night with the peace and satisfaction that I have contributed something good and positive through what I do.

I love a lot of people- family, friends, relatives .. but I also realize that I am in a phase of my life right now where I prefer the peace and solitude that comes from being on my own. I can be in a crowded room and still feel lonely and isolated. Or I can be in this far and remote place and feel a certain connection and belongingness to everything around me. And that is what I am feeling right here right now. For the most part it might have been the work opportunity that brought me here. But after a week, I am finding the experience more as something spiritual. Like a sort of retreat. Like a time for going within. Again, words fail me now. But who was it who said..life is not meant to be written or read but meant to be lived?

I love that I am starting to establish my own little routine here. The moment I arrived I can sense the pulse, the heartbeat and the rhythm of the place and I wondered how I can inconspicuously insert my own rhythm..without disrupting the flow.. And I am proud to report that I am getting there..

I love the gears that help keep my mind off from the forces of nature and which in fact teach me to embrace these same forces as I need to live in this kind of environment anyway. I have never been the designer type of person. Unless there's a word "sale" or "clearance" attached next to the designer label but for my trip up north I had to rely on proven brands to help me get by. So I say - I love my Sorels because I have come to love my daily treks on hilly slopes. I love my north face backpack because it literally got my back, prone as I am to sliding and tripping, I love the snow pants I bought which initially drove my wallet to tears... Same can be said with my parkas (although I still have that Canada goose one on my wish list). I was walking home the other day and there was an impressive flurry in progress and all I can think of was...oh my God I love these snow goggles! All my life I have trained myself to look the other way when tempted to buy all those pretty clothes and nice shoes so I wasn't happy at first with having to buy the not necessarily cheap and not exactly becoming or flattering winter clothing but they have become my best friends here now. Yes function over fashion. That's what it's all about.

I love how my life has been simplified in the last 7 days. Even if a lot of people would argue that it's much to soon to make such conclusions. If you are living your life a day at a time there's no such thing as making conclusions too early or too late. Each day brings about a new discovery, new learning, new realization.. I might sound like I am looking at things with rose tinted snow goggles (and they are really rose tinted!) but that's how I am feeling right now on this my first week in Iqaluit. Who knows what tomorrow brings?

I guess that's it for now. Time to get ready for tonight's shift.

Before I go offline

I moved into my apartment yesterday. While it doesn't have the comfort and luxury of the hotel room I am actually glad I got to move sooner than I expected. For one, I needed to get things organized before I'm totally immersed at work. Another thing is that I want to get into the rhythm of things and try to see what kind of routine I can get to establish for myself. Staying in the hotel is the honeymoon. Moving into the apartment is real life. Obviously I'm not here for a honeymoon. And it's actually not bad either. I got a furnished one bedroom apartment and l am liking it so far. It is small but fairly new. It's easy to clean and maintain - and for someone like me who is the extreme opposite of neat freak, this is a huge thing! The appliances are working fine so far. Just a couple of outlets that are not working but I will let the landlord know about it. The funny (and also the lucky) thing is that the apartment is in the same building as the hotel where I stayed initially! So when I was moving my bags I would just discreetly make several trips from hotel room to apartment bringing one bag at a time. Only because if I hear another comment about my cannot travel light neurosis I just might scream. So when I actually checked out I was only tugging along two decent sized bags. And with the apartment being in the same building as the hotel, I still get to avail of the hotel's amenities: restaurant, fast food, convenient store, cinema and even fitness centre! So if the weather's particularly bad I don't even need to get out at all. Except when I am working of course! And there are always taxis waiting outside the hotel so I can just take a taxi to work during bad weather. Which is I think a two minute ride. Flat rate here is $6 to anywhere. On most days, one would rather walk going anywhere but I am talking about weather extremes.

I am not going to whine and lament about the Internet plan I chose ( which will be installed next week yet so right now I am just making use of wifi at the cafe here at the hotel lobby). I was thinking, since I don't have anything to splurge on here, I might as well avail of the best available plan for Internet. Although I heard that the best they've got is just 4x faster than dial up. That is totally fine with me. But I will be without Internet the next few days. It's ok though. I'll be working for four straight days anyway. And I have the chance to organize my new nest. And I get to catch up on my book back logs. I finished reading Paolo Coelho's the Aleph on the plane, right now I am reading The Four Agreements and I still have a line up of books that I am dying to read, Including the rest of the Games of Throne series (I am still struggling with book 2). So I think being offline for a few days won't be such a bad thing. And hey, who am I to complain? I am old enough to remember what life was like pre internet!

I got the chance to walk around town yesterday and I can't think of any apt word to describe the experience other than surreal. It's a totally different world. And I mean that in a good way. It's hard to explain but it's like I was transported back in time but also it feels like I was transported to an alternate universe. I emailed my mother and told her it's not easy getting lost here even if I tried! The roads just make a loop around and you just walk and walk and then find yourself back in the same spot you were before. And my apartment's one of the two high rise buildings here so wherever i go, whichever side of town I may be I can still see where the building is so yes I won't get lost that easily. I have the worst sense of direction so this works pretty well for me. I love looking at the beach - Frobisher Bay. I guess I should redefine what my concept of beach is. I am besieged by a tsunami or avalanche of sensation when I get to behold the magnificence of what I see before me. All so new to me. I realize that as long as I am properly geared, I don't mind the cold that much. What I am not so thrilled about though is having to walk through slippery slopes. I have the worst balance staying still so imagine what I am like in motion. Then again for someone like me with the worst sense of direction and even worse sense of balance, finding my way here up north is already some form of odds defying achievement! For that I can say, I am quite proud of myself.

So will be offline for a week. Actual work begins tomorrow. My so called life in Iqaluit now begins..

Iqaluit Day One

Who would ever thought that someone like me would ever get the chance to be in a place like this? Sometimes when you allow life to take you by the hand and believe that tiny voice telling you you'll be okay as you take a leap of faith... you'd get to do the things you never thought you can do... be where you never dreamed you can be -

Today was amazing and I just feel so blessed.

Tomorrow will be my first day at work. Time to see how I can fit myself in the rhythm and pulse of life in this place.

Welcome to the North!

Iqaluit Bound and a Good Omen

Ottawa Airport.

Here I am waiting for my flight. Looking forward to whatever lies ahead except for that part where I have to wrestle with my 6 piece luggage. Unfortunately that's the first thing I need to do as soon as I arrive, before I can even start musing about the meaning of life and my purpose for being. Starting a journey with too many excess baggage. There's a metaphor there somewhere.

This morning while I was waiting for the airport shuttle and having my prescribed dose of caffeine, a very pleasant lady sat next to me to make chit chat. She told me that she saw me yesterday at the airport wearing all my "warm clothes" and she guessed I must be going to Iqaluit. Not a few people have told me that I am quite transparent. I guess even through all these layers (yes I've been on semi full winter gear since I left Calgary yesterday.. Down to the Sorels) I still manage to exude some degree of transparency. Either that or a "to Iqaluit or bust" sign was suddenly tattooed on my forehead. Anyway, I told this nice lady that yes indeed I am going to Iqaluit and I asked her if she's from there as well. With a big, warm, happy smile she declared, "I've been working there for ten years"! Now, if somebody can accessorize a statement like "I've been working there for ten years" with a big, warm, happy -- emphasis on the happy -- smile.. that is enough good omen for me. It's like the universe giving me a reassuring push towards the north and telling me I'll be fine.

Everything's going to be all right.

Lightness is Unbearable. Still

Calgary airport.

It's the law of the universe. Those who don't learn from the past are doomed to repeat it. Someday I will get it right.. Someday i will travel light. I had this conversation yesterday with one of my room mates where we tried in vain to convince ourselves that our inability to travel light is in fact justifiable. It was of course an exercise in futility. A lesson that I realized today ( actually, it's a lesson i realize each and every time i travel) when I had to explain to the taxi driver and to at least two airport personnel that yes these are all my bags and no there's nobody else traveling with me. I tell myself that I am getting better at this when my heaviest bag weighed in at exactly the cut off weight of 50lbs and I got a "right on" compliment from the (thankfully) nice lady at the check in counter. I said in a previous post that when it comes to defense mechanisms I specialize in denial. Well let it be known that I sub specialize in rationalization.

Still I have to be thankful for little things. That the next time I get to see those bags it will be in Iqaluit (unless they end up in Siberia) and I get reimbursed for excess luggage but not for overweight bags -- and I got the weight part right at least. But I swear someday I am going to get this right!

Here We Go

Life is either a great adventure or nothing - Helen Keller


If somebody who cannot speak, hear or see can utter these words....what's my excuse?

Taxi arrives at 0745.

Let's go north!

In Retrospect

The movers arrived today. Nothing makes my upcoming trip more real than seeing my stuff being boxed and carried away. Five days more.

I am taking a break right now from all the packing and preparation and try to stay still for the remaining hours of the night. I am just taking all this in for now. And while I'm trying to take stock of everything that's happening, I remembered this post I wrote two years ago when I celebrated my first year in Canada. I also recycled some parts of this post in an article I wrote for a local magazine back home. My year in review. My mindset in 2009. Somehow it helped erase the few remaining doubts I may have about my crazy plan of going to Iqaluit. I am meant to do this.

Thought I would repost this here to serve as reminder and maybe a sort of baseline for me to monitor how Iqaluit can change my mindset and perspectives.


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Random Takes: 365 Days in Calgary
I've been told that my first year as an immigrant in Canada could be the worst time of my life. While I can easily conclude in a very Dickens way that my first 365 days in Calgary was the best of times and the worst of times, I also realize that I cannot just oversimplify my experience here by defining it as either of two extremes. Looking at the much bigger picture, we know that the best of times..though it makes us happy and fulfilled, also makes us prone to complacency and when we want to stay in a certain comfort zone or get stuck in a happy place, we cease to grow. And the worst of times on the outset can cause a lot of misery and suffering but it also pushes us to a certain limit that we thought we could never reach, we are motivated to do whatever's necessary just to extract ourselves from a not too pleasant life episode. And because all our senses are put on high alert level and because we are exposed to rough roads that cause us to trip, fall and rise again..we realize that in the end, these are the times when we learn, we grow and I can never say this often enough.."what cannot kill us, can only make us strong". Having said that, I can now reiterate that I cannot just label my first year as an immigrant as either the best or the worst of times.

Someone once said that "the purpose of life is to live a life with purpose" and that is the premise I would like to set as I attempt to finish my sort of "year in review". We are not born into this world with a complete manual of instructions that would tell us what to do with our lives or a map that would tell us where to go. The map and the manual would definitely make things easier for us but it would deny us the chance to experience the essence of being human - having free will, being able to make choices, make mistakes and realize that they weren't really mistakes but opportunities to learn, build a comfort zone and leave it to plunge into a deep unknown...and through the twists and turns of our lives we end up realizing why we are here in the first place..and though we traverse rough roads and highways, cross oceans and climb mountains..everything comes full circle when we become who we are destined to be.

One unfortunate hallmark of being human is constant discontentment..everything that is out of reach, distant, absent or unavailable is always better than that which is within grasp, real, already there. People back home may say, I wish I am where you are, have what you have or live the life you're living..while those who have left would always have the intense longing for home. People always ask so is it better there than here? It's amazing how we insist on comparing things that are devoid of common ground...what is with what has been or what is with what will be or here with there. And we always end up being miserable with the answers (or our self constructed conclusions)..and that's the desired effect isn't it? Because once we realize the futility of what we're doing..we have to face the fact that when we measure life in terms of where we are or where we're going ...where we are headed or what we have left behind..we are just, in a profound way, wasting our time.

After spending long hours by myself..on a train, on a bus, in an empty room...I have this realization about migration..or what it means to be an immigrant.

We all know that migration is a natural phenomenon that is vital for the survival of species. When I'm at the train station in Marlborough I would often watch birds in flight. Sometimes I envy how they can just escape winter and fly south. I would also think how the process of migration is much simpler for them than for us. I am pretty sure they no longer think about trivial things such as which continent would feed them best or from which river they would get much satisfaction. When we see birds in flight we do not question their motives in terms of lack of patriotism, or imagine the drama that comes from leaving home or starting over again. We know that it's their survival instinct that cause them to do this. And nature, true to form, takes care of its own. Maybe when we say, "free as a bird" it may not necessarily be just in reference to their ability to fly but more because of the fact that they can take flight..migrate..without looking back.

I always say, I am where I am ought to be at this point in my life. Every immigrant has a different reason for leaving his country of origin but whether it was an opportunity, a plan, a personal motivation, a perceived luck/chance/coincidence, an invitation..whatever stimulus it might have been..it was but an instrument..for a destiny to be fulfilled. I am now in Canada (for whatever reason) but if this experience is dissected down to its core I know I would understand that this has nothing to do with Canada at all. This place is not an endpoint or a destination..but a phase or that another life lesson I need to learn is here. If this is my final stop, let it be. If this road takes me back home, let it be. If it will lead me somewhere else, let it be. But I won't leave this place without finding out what I am supposed to fulfill here in the first place.

I have never been gifted with a scientific mind and there were times in nursing or medicine that I felt like an impostor make believing that I can understand a foreign language being spoken. The only time I can understand these scientific concepts is when I can see them as some form of metaphor. When that happens, I always feel that a window to another dimension is being opened..one that I find familiar..one that I can understand. That happened one time in medical school when I was reading about neovascularization and the example given was how retinopathy in the newborn occurs. That in order to survive, a premature infant needs to receive high levels of oxygen..and the body feels the need to accommodate this sudden increase in oxygen levels so it wills itself to develop more blood vessels..but when oxygen therapy is discontinued the new vessels could no longer be sustained..they eventually necrotize and become nothing more than fibrotic tissues that serve no purpose. It dawned upon me that the same thing can happen to us at a higher level. I was born and raised in Iloilo. I spent the last 36 years of my life there...it's a place I know like the back of my hand. The place I worked was also where I spent my life as a student...where I know my way even when I'm blindfolded..walking backwards. Every other random person I bumped into was somebody I knew..I was safe there..it defined my comfort zone. And with this familiarity I realized the absence of growth..there was the lack of motivation to be more than I was because I was already comfortable with who I was. When I became an immigrant there was a rapid onslaught of stimuli coming from all over and I felt new nerve cells growing overtime just to process these barrage of things - information, events, culture, experience, rules, policies, language etc - headed my way. I was sort of going through my own version of neovascularization. And I know that once this strange place transforms into a comfortable zone, with the absence of new stimuli - my own growth and process of discovering who I am would, likewise, cease...and that would be time for me to move on again. Not necessarily to another new continent but to the next level of learning. It's not making sense when put into writing..that's why life has to be lived not read.

Yesterday, I received a letter (among other things)that informed me I was now eligible to work as a Graduate Nurse after having completed the required courses needed for me to be "recognized" as a nurse graduate who can take the licensure exam for nurses here. I don't know why after having passed three licensure exams and after having taught in nursing school, this acknowledgment that I am now "eligible" to start all over again as a nurse still has an overwhelming effect on me. Maybe because I still have the notion that I am an alien needing recognition..or affirmation that I am competent enough to practice my craft here. Or maybe because this door was closed on me several months back and the acknowledgment is now the window of opportunity slowly being opened. It maybe only a year but disregarding the concept of time, it was still a long journey leading to this acknowledgment of eligibility. But still, I cannot define it as my "worst of times". I was reading a magazine the other day and one celebrity was quoted as saying, "happiness is enjoying the view on a detour". I was struck by this statement because this was precisely what I did these past how many months. When I was forced by virtue of technicality and policies to make a detour, I allowed myself to wallow in a few hours worth of semi despair before I did the things needed to be done to get back in the right track. And I realized that my oft worn out battle cry ("everything happens for a reason") still holds true after all. I had to go back to school and this gave me a small dose of "Canadian Education", I met people and listened to stories that connect with my own..forming a lovely, intricate pattern...the web of life. I loved the bus rides because I literally enjoyed the view...this detour that led me to the right path. Yes I am where I am meant to be at this time of my life.

365 days in Canada. You can call me an immigrant, a traveler, a pilgrim, a wanderer or even an accidental tourist..it would all depend on my story for the moment. If I were to be asked if it was indeed the worst (or best) time of my life, I would respectfully beg for the question to be rephrased for when you are living the life you are meant to live, with the hopes of discovering your purpose for being..it's never a question of being worst or best. It is because it is and it's meant to be. When all these roads I follow lead me to know who I really am and why I am here..then I can finally say, I am home.